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Antijen is run by Aunty - who hosts many lists relating to transitioning for both families and the person in transition. It's a great resource with very nice, understanding people behind it.

Welcome to the Genderology Directory PDF Print
Written by Angel   
Monday, 08 November 2004 19:53
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 My Story...Image


You may wonder why I have decided to start this website, or what drives a person like me. You may be a religious person who authentically wants to understand other people and why they are the way they are, or maybe you have a family member you don't understand. There are plenty of reasons to read through this website, but this will show you my reasons for sharing the information with you...

I grew up in the 70's and 80's when nothing was really known about transsexuals in the mainstream. They were considered freaks and people who just wanted to be outcasts. I can safely assure you, that my parent was neither a freak, nor did she want to be an outcast. She was a rebel though, and she only wanted to be herself. That was something that she was to me, every day of her life. To other people though, she was very different. Her family had a hard time accepting the fate of their son. By the time he was 30, they had a second daughter that they didn't even know they had. My mother was blamed and banished from the house. While we visited at my grandparents, she waited in the car... I personally couldn't have done that, but she did... My grandmother told her friends, her friends told their kids, their kids told their kids (who were my age), and my sister and I were picked on for having a 'freak' in the family... It wasn't until I was starting into my teens, and yet another new school (my mother, sister and I moved around a lot) that I came up with the idea of calling my parent my Aunt... It helped explain the reason for talking about her all of the time, and why I was so close to her, and that she wasn't my mother. My Mom would have had my head if she heard me allow anyone to think that Debbie was my mom.

Debbie worked in a power plant at Florida Power and Light all of my life. She was damn good at her job, and was respected by most of her peers. Of course, being a good 'ole boy club that the power plants are, she had her share of problems. She was renowned for knowing the information on where any hurricane was going to go. She was getting the hurricane forecasts from the NHC using Prodigy of all things, when it was popular... She was my mentor, the person I wanted to be like when I grew up... I didn't want her problems of transgenderism, but I wanted to be strong and damn good at what I did. I also wanted to be as caring and compassionate as she was, but in that area I think I'm more like my mother who is even more caring and compassionate... I really did land some great parents, even with the familial differences! Debbie also had a knack for reading people. She could take 5 minutes of talking to someone and determine if they were a good person or if I need not bother taking time with them. She was right about everyone... The last person she met was my current spouse whom she said was a keeper... In so many ways she was right; however there was a slight flaw...

After a family conflict, Debbie died on February 14, 1997... She was looking at losing everything because the people where she worked were not accepting her and she forced her way in. They found any reason they could to make life difficult and to find a reason to get rid of her. She already felt like she lost the whole family including me. I was her support structure, and had already told her that I needed time, but there was never a Christmas that I had not at least called. I know she wanted to hear from me, I felt it deep down, but I didn't listen and was never able to speak to her again... That is something I truly regret. I truly miss her...

At this point, I thought that there was nothing to keep the kids from having a normal family life, and family structure... There would be no reason for the kids to believe anything different until they were older and told the truth. They would never have to deal with friends thinking their family was weird, or any of the hardships I had. At least this was a good thing that would come of Debbie's death for both me and my sister. I always did try to look at the bright side of things... In 1998 I was married for the 2nd time to my now spouse. Everything was great, it was grand and I was on top of the world and nothing could hold me down... We tried for a year to have our son, however no sooner than I was about 2 months pregnant the other foot dropped. As it turns out, my spouse is transsexual and is trying to figure the problem out. I knew about the cross dressing and I was okay with that... To me, it just wasn't that big of a deal... But to find out then, all I could do was cry... I couldn't be angry; I just cried and tried to understand why... Why choose now to tell me? Because I helped force it out... I couldn't figure out why my spouse was sinking further and further into depression, why life was holding no joy when we had everything... He never acted like himself anymore, and said that he didn't know how. He'd played the part for so long, he didn't know who he was inside anymore. I Okayed the search for the truth, not knowing what might come of it... The journey to the truth gave me answers that I never realized I wanted to know. I never truly understood why Debbie was the way she was, and I never did the research... Now I understand that it wasn't a choice, it was a matter of changing, or going crazy... Which would you choose? Is that really a choice?


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